Attractive Nuisance: December 2009

Normally I don't write posts about boys and my encounters with them on the very off chance that they're somewhat like me and will stalk their way to my blog, read what I think about them, and never talk to me again. But today I'm taking my chances because I'm beyond a reasonable doubt sure last night's dude will never find this blog.

Last night I learned a lot about how I date and manipulate. I'll call it, manipudate. It's kind of funny because for some reason last night brought out all the qualities I have when I am trying to "catch" the opposite sex.

So last night four of us went to the Spurs game. I invited this boy who is the oldest son (whom I had never met prior to this week) of good family friends from my home ward. I thought it would b a nice gesture. He accepted. I picked him up at a bowling alley on my way down to the AT&T Center. Here's how the evening unfolded corresponding with the thing I learned about myself:

1. I plan every move.

I got out of the car. I mulled over whether or not to call him. He had texted me his number but I didn't text back because I did not want to seem too eager. So there I was, standing in the rain, wondering if he'll see me and come out or if I should go in looking for him. Would that look desperate too? Maybe I should just call him. I call him. Almost the second he answers we meet in the entrance. Dang! I shouldn't have called. Oh well, lesson learned. I turn off my phone for the rest of the night.

2. I rely heavily on looks. It makes or break the rest of my relationship with a guy.

There he stood in the entrance of the bowling alley, perfectly lit by the neon bug-infested signs above and behind him. He's 6'6". I immediately want to marry him. Assuming he eats meat and is averagely intelligent, I want him. See, tallness to me is like New Moon's Jacob to 40-year old moms. I totally swoon. The taller the better. this boy was BEST! I wondered if it was too soon to ask him to marry me.

3. I am not myself early on--I parrot a boy's personality until about date three.

Because it was extremely slick and I was driving a behemoth Yukon through downtown San Antonio, I asked if anyone wanted to drive instead. He volunteered. I like to sit really close to the steering wheel so I warned him that he'll have to majorly adjust the seat when he gets in. "Why, cuz I'm huge?" he asked. No, I thought, it's because I sit freakishly close to the steering wheel. "Yes, cuz you are HUUUUU-GE," I said.

4. I decide early if I'm going to like a boy.

The drive down to the AT&T Center wasn't too long, maybe half an hour. But in that time, I determined that this boy was perfect for me. My view could've been skewed because of his height (it seriously melts me until I can't concentrate on anything else), but I noticed he was conversational but not overly chatty; he was pleasant but not contrived; he was himself. He wasn't trying to be someone else. Then he names off his favorite bands. Number one: DEATH CAB. I almost died. That is my favorite band! Add to that the fact that when I mentioned one of my favorite up and coming bands "Fun" he said, "Oh yeah, he used to be the lead singer for The Format." Again, my heart skipped a beat and I feared death. Was this boy too good to be true? The cherry on top is the fact that he's from Texas, that he wants to be a high school history teacher (secret fantasy of mine), and that he's a self-proclaimed introvert, but not because he's shy--just because he does better in smaller groups. SWEET! Am I in love, I ask?

5. I put myself in jeopardy to maximize my date's potential.

As we stepped out into the frigid, rainy musk and walked the quarter mile to the entrance, I bit my lip and took it. I deliberately left my coat at home so that I could test if he would offer his (who does that??). He didn't even notice on the way in. (After the game, though, he did say "Where is your jacket, girl?" I said something and then we both went on merry way--me without a jacket.)

6. I heavily use jealousy to my expedite their crush on me.

He sat down first. I sat down next to him on that row. Linda's guy friend (we'll call him "Logan") sat next to me, then Linda sat at the end. With Logan next to me, I chatted him up, touched his arm for effect when he made a funny comment, and swapped stories about the Air Force (Logan is a doctor in the Air Force.) I occasionally moved my interest back to my boy to balance out the evening because I know jealousy should only be used in moderation. Several times as I looked back, however, the little skeez was dinking around on his iphone...

7. I am a detective.

This boy isn't dinking around...he's texting a girl. I take note of her first and last name for later use and then remember she's the girl who invited him over for New Year's. I straight up ask him about his "friend" and he tells me she's a Spurs fan. I plan on when the precise time is to ask him if this girl is more than a friend. I weight the pros and cons of each: right now so it's fresh? During a lull in the game so I don't sound too information-hungry now? In the car with Linda there? In the car alone with him? I decide on later in the game. I get an unexpected, unwelcome answer.

8. I touch boys. And I laugh lovingly at them.

Guys love two things: The love to think they're funny and they love when girls touch them. So when I like a boy, I make sure to do both simultaneously. I made sure to calculate each one to maximize each one's effectiveness. But not too much. If you overdo, it's weird. And I didn't overdo it. It was brilliant.

9. I play major reverse psychology. I manipudate the situation when I feel like the boy is getting the upper edge.

This boy wasn't a Spurs fan but he was a big basketball fan (He's 6'6", guys. Haven't you been reading?) For most of the game as I complimented him on his sense of humor, cool iphone, and his amazing height, I had to counter act so he knew I was in control of the situation. So...when I picked the winning color "dot" on the jumbo tron, I rubbed it in his face. When the Spurs would make a killer play I would slam that in his face. When he tried to bash on the Spurs, I playfully reminded him that his precious Jazz have never won a championship.

10. I find opportunities to let them shine and then I compliment them on it.

He decided we should leave early in light of the fact that the Spurs were winning by about 20 points. I did NOT want to leave until the end. What did I tell him? "Oh man, that's such a great idea." We walked out to the parking lot. We were walking for awhile and I said, "Are we lost?" He confidently responded that he has a good sense of direction and that he knew where we were going. I offered calculated encouragement: "That's great. I trust you." We drove back to the bowling alley to drop Linda off at her car. We proceeded home together in my car--just us. We decided to get shakes. EZ's or Sonic? He decidedly said Sonic and then straight up told me how good he was at making decisions. "Oh man, I love that. It is such a good quality," I assured him. Boys eat that stuff up.

Oh and just in case you were wondering, he wanted the banana cream pie shake at Sonic. Happens to be my favorite. This man could be missing his front teeth and partially retarded and I might still fall in love with him. His height and taste in music put him up there on the scale, but his taste in Sonic shakes made me fall in love. Literally. He may just be the guy version of me. I don't know yet.

11. I surgically plant in their heads the idea that this is not the last time we will see each other.

As we chatted about our favorite bands, and life back in Provo (he was leaving for P-town the next day), I talked about Las Vegas. (My friends and I are planning an explosively awesome trip to Vegas next semester). After he shared his lukewarm feelings about Sin City, I described our exciting plans and he said that sounds fun. Then I said, "Well if your Vegas trip had been like that would you have liked it more?" He said yes, so I invited him to come along. He accepted. BAM!

12. I win. Always.

Once I like a boy, they're mine. This one's got a potential girl, but she's just that. Potential. I have her name and very finely tuned detective skills. I already know quite a bit about her and she seems like a nice girl. I'm sure she'll make a great girlfriend...to someone else.

Story to be continued....

Attractive Nuisance

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A peephole into Sara's dating mind

Monday, December 7, 2009

Memory Lane

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