The Lesson I Learned From Robyn

This weekend Zach and I have been busy attending the semi-annual general conference of my church--the Church of Jesus of Christ of Latter-Day Saints. (You may access it at: lds.org.) During these times, I find myself reflecting more often on my current life, past circumstances, and how I can become better moving forward. Lately I've been thinking of one particular scripture as it relates to recent experiences.

See, The Book of Mormon starts out following one family. Throughout the book, people separate into different groups designated by the suffix -ites. But in the most peaceful part of the book, it says, "There were no robbers, nor murderers, neither were there Lamanites, nor any manger of -ites; but they were in one, the children of Christ, and heirs to the kingdom of God." (4 Ne. 1:17)

I kept thinking about how relevant this scripture and this attitude is today. Because we all want to feel needed and wanted, we align ourselves with different groups. As a result, we consciously or unconsciously alienate others and become divisive--sometimes over minor issues.

I am guilty of this. I remember the first time I did this. When I was in elementary school, there was a girl named Robyn. She didn't dress very well and she never had her hair combed. As a result, people teased her. In order to fit in with the majority, I teased her as well. One night over dinner, I brought it up with my family, possibly hoping that they would vindicate my behavior and engage in the teasing as well. My parents' answer surprised me. My mom said, "She probably doesn't dress well because she doesn't have much money." And then I asked, "Well what about her hair? She never brushes it." My mom replied, "Maybe she doesn't have a brush or she was never taught good hygiene and she needs someone to help her." My perspective completely changed. My mom gave me money to pick out new clothes for her and to buy her a fancy brush and some other things. It was the end of the school year and even still, I was nervous to give the gift to her because I didn't want anyone to see me talking to her. i was also nervous that by giving it to her i would be hurting her pride and someone letting her in on our secret gossip-fest.

In reality, none of that happened. I nervously walked up to Robyn and handed her the gift. I told her I thought she might like it. she thanked me and lit up inside. She was so grateful, and I could tell most of it came from someone just coming up and talking to her. I have never forgotten about Robyn or about that moment. But sadly, it still has not prevented me from doing this again. And I guess it's hit me now more than ever because recently I have felt like Robyn.

It is not fun to feel on the outside of a group. It is not fun to feel like you are the one who unites a group--uniting a group in their common opinion of you. The silver lining of this feeling is the further impact it has on me to ensure that I am never the cause of someone else feeling alienated. I remember again the good and lasting feeling I had when I handed Robyn the present. It's great to know that I can do that again and again by being simply being a friend.

Oh, and I'd really love to find out where Robyn is today and be her friend. Robyn Reed: are you out there?

Tyler Glenn Chest Hair

Okay, does anyone else check out their blog statistics? One of my favorite features is looking at search terms people enter to get to my site. My favorite one from this week was "tyler glenn chest hair." How in the world did someone get my blog from that search term?

So I have a question for you out there: whether you're a friend, a family member, or someone who googled "Nate Ruess laughing" and got my blog instead. What are some of the crazy search terms that lead people to your blog?

New Post Over at the Pendletones.com

I'm slowly phasing out this blog. So if you follow this blog, go ahead and change the address to Pendletones.com. You'll be glad you did.

While you're there, revel in the differences between Zach and me.

Wedding Dress Help

Tonight, the wedding dress consultant got mad at me for not having a dress picked out yet. The problem is that I have all the odds stacked against me.

* I need a modest dress with sleeves

* I want a dress to fit in with the classic vintage (1920s)theme

* I need it to be in my size (I currently fit into wedding dresses from sizes 8-14)

* I need a dress that looks good with my body type (probably the hardest one to satisfy) A-line and Empire waist types look best on me (It has to fit my larger chest, small waist, and hide my enormous hips)

* I don't want to spend a fortune

So...does anyone have any suggestions? Or does anyone know someone who has a spare wedding dress lying around that might possibly match that description?

I'm freaking out here.

Check Us Out!

Okay, I know it's in its infancy stage right now, but I'm too excited that it exists to even wait for it to look perfect. So everyone go check out my new blog at Pendletones.com

Leave us a comment and tell us what you think!

McKinney Falls

A couple weekends ago, my sister's family and I went park hopping in Austin. Our first stop was McKinney Falls State Park. When we're not in the worst drought in South Texas history, there are actual running waterfalls and natural springs where people swim.





Although it was probably beautiful when there was more water, it still was fun.



There were these neat bridges, tall trees, and ancient caves where native Americans used to live.







But the highlight was the friend we met in the visitor's center. Don't you just love her hair?

Motivation

I want to lose weight.

Diet, exercise, rinse, and repeat. I get it. But today I learned the most inspiring way to lose weight.


TRY ON WEDDING DRESSES.



Nothing makes me feel gross and smushy more than trying on a wedding dress and realizing I'd like to be about four sizes smaller. So if I keep it up and try on one wedding dress a day until I get married, I may actually drop four sizes. Here's to hoping.

Newly Engaged Debut

My nephew, Christian, is a novice producer. He's learning a lot of things, most notably how to work a camera. But he also wrote a comedy sketch featuring Mrs. Smith (an intelligence tester at school) and Stewart (a less-than-intelligent student). If you can forgive the shaky camera work, I think it's pretty funny.

This was also filmed about 24 hours after Zach and I got engaged.

Enjoy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7a01uuwh08

Tulips Are My Favorite Flower

...and Zach is my favorite man.

(Behold Zach. I tell him he looks like a muppet. This picture proves that I'm right.)

Zach and I have been friends for almost two years now. It was a cordial friendship while I cycled through dating several different men. Those guys were great, and I never planned on dating Zach ever. Then something happened to Zach where he got his heart broken in a really big way in December. We were studying for finals together when things were falling apart, so I tried my best to make every experience positive for him--as positive as studying about marijuana distributors and cocaine addicts could be (It was criminal procedure, guys. Not my choice).

When we came back from the break in January, I continued to spend time with Zach, hoping to help him recover and hoping to help him not lose faith in dating or women or both. In the process of serving him, listening to him, and understanding what he was going through, I started to develop strong emotional connections with him.

Zach became an even better friend. We started dating. Although it was slow and casual, my care and concern for him and his well-being deepened. I got to know not just the "crisis-mode Zach" but the fun Zach, the silly Zach, the rapper Zach, the wicked smart Zach, the thoughtful Zach, well you get it--the many sides of Zach.

(We went on our very first road trip to Vegas. Think Hangover combined with That Thing You Do. That was our trip.)

(And we went to the Beatles LOVE show.)


It was wonderful to learn about him, to serve him, and to become so close to him, but at the same time I was constantly getting bogged down by external forces that made me doubt and question daily whether we should be together.


(An acrostic I wrote on my doorstep before one of our dates.)

Then something serious happened. Because these experiences are so special to me, I will leave most of them off this blog, but I just want to touch on some of them. My mission president said some things at the mission reunion in early April that really struck me. He also said some pretty profound, even prophetic things. That experience, coupled with a few more during General Conference weekend, led me to the largest, cheesiest display of affection I have ever undertaken.

I wrote down 100 things that I love about Zach, coupled them with a note, placed them inside a case with a bass guitar (he plays bass), and left it on his parent's doorstep where he was staying that weekend.


A few more things happened, and I realized how much I loved Zach and how patient I was willing to be for him to do the things he needed to do to figure out his life--to get back to normal and to be happy again. I decided not to care about any external factors and just to focus on loving Zach and showing him the respect and patience he deserved.

(This was a pivotal night--a day that will live in infamy.)

Over time, though, I realized that resolve was harder to keep than it was to say. And another wonderful guy came into my life who was ready to date me, to commit to me, to serve me, and to love me, without the constant relationship-nurturing that it seemed our relationship required.

I was happy in my new relationship, but I never felt the deep, abiding connection that I did with Zach. From the moment I broke up with Zach, Zach had begun an elaborate scheme to try to "win me back." Yeah right, I thought. He had his chance. I was convinced that this was "crisis mode" behavior--that he was acting on impulse and that he was not really like this.

I didn't speak to him for a week. His friends, his family members, and our mutual friends sent sincere and heartfelt text messages and gchats my way about how hurt he was and how I needed to at least talk to him. And I felt bad for Zach. So I did just that.

I talked to him. And we spent time together. Then we talked some more. Days passed. After I realized he hadn't gone crazy but that he had just realized a little slower than me how strong his feelings were, we continued to date.

And I have never been happier. I was always happy with Zach before, and I loved him just the way he was, but now when I see the Zach who actually reciprocates feelings, I am blown away. He is the world's biggest sweetheart. And the funny thing is, I didn't even need or expect a sweetheart. I just wanted a really close friend.

Luckily Zach is that and so much more.

(He took me to Thanksgiving Point's Tulip Festival after finding out that tulips were my favorite flower.)

(Sorry for the sap. I just thought I talk a lot about the drama of dating that it's time for me to be a little vulnerable and actually share a sweet story.)

Grades

I will be so happy for the day that my performance and success in life is results based and not grades based. When I write appellate briefs, I want the outcome to be my client winning the appeal, not receiving an A- in drafting. When I become a mother, I want my teaching techniques to my children translate into well-mannered and educated offspring, not a B+ in Child Development.

But until that day, it's nice to see straight As on my transcript from last semester, if only for a small while.

Fame and Fortune

Hello Internet,

I have a nephew.
He is pretty neat.
He's only 11 years old,
But he's 100 percent sweet.

He likes to learn new stuff
and finds it rather fun.
Instead of getting dirty
he likes to get things done.

So he and his best friend
Made a film called World War 3
Then they made a commercial
And sent it along to me.

He said he wants to be famous
And fame equals a youtube view
So if you love me or him or youtube
You'll click below to make his dreams come true.

Thank you. Love, Sara.

Christian's Commercial--Click here

P.S. I'll post World Ward 3 when it becomes available on DVD. Check back soon.

I am happy to stay single forever.

Really.

Music Rubbers

I'm SOOOOO grateful I have musically talented friends. I hope that some of their talent rubs off on me. The reason I'm gushing over my musical friends is that I just developed a whole bucket load of pictures from the past year and I noticed a common theme: concerts, jam sessions, music after parties, and moments that should've had their own soundtrack.

Here is a little sampling of the wonderfulness that was my musical year.

This is Rhett and me in Vegas. What's musical about it? I'm wearing a "Fun." shirt. What's cool about this picture? My camera's lens broke, so we just asked the drunk woman who took it to point it in our general direction and we'd find out later if the photo would develop. Turns out it did:




These are pictures of my hot (married) former Temple Square mission companion and me at Candlelight Serenade at Thanksgiving Point last summer:





Then, what a surprise, I bumped into my BFF from my freshman year and later but less-close friend from a very hilarious circumstance that I would recount here if this blog were private. Alas it is not. Here is Tyler Glenn (of Neon Trees) and Ashley Mollerup:



And then at Travis' recording studio post Empirates show at Velour:




And then Ben and me with this dude from Idaho whom we met at the Empirates show, who we invited to the after party, who subsequently came. He was pretty legit. But I lost his business card. If you recognize this man, please call me at 1-800-FIND-HIM:




Then some crazies got ahold of my camera and took crazy pictures. I can't identify the people. (Actually I can, I just shouldn't.)



Two members of "Good Manor," a band I managed, waiting to receive their business checking accounts at Wells Fargo.




Here is the opening act at a house show we threw last year. In the background is my future ex-boyfriend, Tanner with his soon-to-be ex girlfriend, Carolyn. Fun memories.



And I took Leland to that same house show, where we made creme brulee and made everyone feel like we had planned pyrotechnics as part of the ambience. Truthfully we just wanted brulee on our creme:



This is my sister-in-law Maria, her sister-in-law Virginia (or something. I don't remember), and me after my one and only 5K in Richfield, Utah on July 5th. My official time was 23:21 and 5th in my age division. That's why I will never run another 5K again. How does this relate to music, you ask? Well, to train for this run I made myself a play list of several "pump me up" songs so that at certain times during the run I'd know "Hey, when Miley Cyrus comes on, I should be at mile 1" and "Garth is singing: you better reach the finish line!" So yeah. There you go:



And then the best of all--my bro. Last New Year's Eve we had a little impromptu karaoke party at the lake house. Well when we were all done and just chatting and playing relaxing card games, Chris (my brother) went over to the karaoke machine and just popped in song after song, singing along. We rang in the New Year with his voice. At one point, I looked at the watch so I could document how long he sang straight through. I think it turned out to be about 70 minutes. He's a champ.

In the mood again

More haikus anyone?

I'm a little rusty but after someone wrote a gorgeous haiku for me last night, I got inspired.

Since the first I thought
That it couldn't get any
Better. I was wrong.

Hope is power that
leads from a great present to
A better future.

Is this history
Repeating itself? Or was
I right the first time?

All A's on transcript
Make me feel good about me.
You make me feel best.

Writing in journals
Is cathartic. Writing on
Hearts is dangerous.

More to come when I get over this obvious writer's block.

Daily dose of haikus

One, two three, four, five
My hands and thumbs are alive
I am not a monkey.

To the finish line
My mind continues to race.
But my body's weak.

I want everything.
And I won't let you say no.
Or I won't want it.

Here's the thing: I love,
But I'm also bad at math.
How much can I have?

Worry and worry
And stress and binge and freak out
All for it to end.

Competitiveness
Seems like such a good thing but
It's so cancerous.

When I was little,
My mom made me clean dishes.
Kitchens drowned in soap.

I have five siblings.
I love them all equally
But all differently.

Don't need to be friends.
I just need to win, his heart
Will never be yours.

Time was on my mind
When I was wishing on stars
Now I just want change.

I mean currency.
If I could have money, I'd
Buy your happiness.

I hope that would work.
If it didn't, I think I
Know some other ways.

Like, for example,
I could make you bacon each
Morning. You'd love that.

Or always take out
the trash when it overflows.
I even mow lawns.

But not very well.
I think I might be sexist
Because I think men

Should do manly chores.
Or maybe I'm just lazy
And should learn new things.

Here is the problem:
I can neither change oil
Nor sew a button.

Then what can I do?
I can interpret cases
And write about them.

I can have fun with
Other peoples' money, And
Be grateful for it.

I can make music
And recognize the beauty
All over the world.

But first I must go
And see the world for myself
Not just through pictures.

I secretly think
My dad's promise for a cruise
Is all just a sham.

But I deal with it
Because he paid for law school
For which I'm thankful.

Class is starting soon
But not soon enough. Running
out of good topics.

I hope you like me.
I hope we stay the same, but
better with grey hair.

Joe's Haikus

Never get so attached to a poem that you forget truth that lacks lyricism.

You know those people who just seem to speak in iambic pentameter? Yeah, me neither. But some people definitely sound more poetic than others. When I got on my haiku kick, I noticed my friend, Joe Alisa, was more prone to post Facebook status updates in haiku form unknowingly. It's awesome. So in honor of Joe, I'd like to give a sampling of some of his poetic statuses molded to fit the haiku form. Enjoy!

Sitting on the couch
With kid, watching Breakin 2:
Electric Bug'loo

Trying to finish
But dreaming of the IHOP
Future midnight run?

How many people
Are writing their substantial
writing papers here?

Weather forecasting
is a dead art. Now we have
Stating obvious.

So much for the happy
Happy, joy Motorcycle
Day that I had planned.

Hotwheels this morning
at 6:30? Do we have
to? But I love it.

I'm Poly so I
like the Poi. I'm a Cougar
and I like the POY.

Crazy accident
On the way to school. Full sized
van flipped on its side.

Shout out to law peeps.
If you're not using all your
tickets, I need some.

One month left to go
and I finally make it
in a web story.

Shout out to law peeps.
Anyone have good cases
On Sharia Law?

I thought giving Joz
A bottle would help him go
To sleep. I was wrong.

Taught him everything
He knows. I really didn't
teach him anything.

Yo to my classmates.
I found a book today in a room.
Did someone lose one?

Doesn't feel so good.
You wanna buy a bulldog?
Drive-by Jimmering. (a composite)

Haiku Wednesday

I think you can tell my mood by the type of haikus I write. Obviously. I can't believe I'm sharing this; I'm not usually an art-sharer. I like to create art for my own benefit; so feel special that you are getting the first wave of Sara's public creativity.

Don’t dig in old dirt,
Except to plant new flowers
Where love and hope blooms.

The future’s brighter
Than any past memory.
Here’s hoping that’s true.

I’m sure there were times
Where life was a lot harder
Than I give credit.

My rock all along
Has been right in front of me;
Now I can see it.

The Book of Mormon and Daily Haiku

I want to see The Book of Mormon musical SOOOO badly.

I'm going to New York in two months. When I'm there, I will see it for sure. Anyone interested in coming with me, let's rock the shows.

-SEP

Haiku of the day
Today was so long
And full of productive things.
Make it continue.

Haiku Heaven

I'm convinced sleep is like a temperamental train; you can buy a ticket, but if you aren't on the platform when it comes (and you never know when it'll come), you may miss it completely. That's what happened tonight.

So what do I do?
When I'm stuck on sleep's platform?
I write these haikus:

Okay but seriously: My modern dance teacher asked us to write a haiku and choreograph a dance that symbolizes the haiku. So I started with haikus that are easily interpretable through movement:

Snow drips off the trees;
Wake up from hibernation;
Spring has greeted us.

AND

I hear the tide crash.
It masks the loud screams of your
Unresponsiveness.

Then, because I can't sleep, I continued to write and write and write and write. I'm afraid to share these haikus because at one point I think creative Sara dug too deep and personal with stuff she should not be sharing. But hopefully the true meaning will be lost on this audience. And hopefully you'll just get a kick out of some really cool/really lame/really weird haikus.


Cap and Gown in hand:
What took me three years to build
Is so quick to end.

They said if I shout,
I would hear my echo back.
I wait, and nothing.

Playing games is fun,
But what if your opponent
Thinks it is real life?

Your words produce tears
That music can drink away,
But not forever.

This life is to live.
Purgatory, though, I’ve learned
Can be hell on earth

Haikus are easy
When they lack feeling and depth.
It’s overrated.

I’m sorry I went,
I’m sorry I stayed; Forgive:
It’s a dirty word.

Believe me for now,
But don't believe me always.
I don't believe me.

Movement, song, and sport
Were such a part of my youth.
Now what do I have?

It's easy to blame,
But harder to see the truth.
We cannot face it.

Russian raises voice
To her Chinese boyfriend, Now
Starting World War Three?

Pay me for my words;
Pay me for understanding;
Don’t pay for my love.

Two princesses here:
One has rocks; one has knockers.
Which do you prefer?

Never thought one day
I’d ever find myself here.
Don’t know if that’s good.

I wish not to lie,
But it gets me what I want.
You are what I want.

Remember the beach?
The warm tide and crabs at night,
Being young was fun.

I can’t forget you
Even though it’s been five years
You’re a part of me.

If I had said yes,
Would I be the person now
That I want to be?

Kweller Forever
Reminds me of the city
And you on the train.

Tulips in winter
And love in the fall. Summer
Is for breaking up.

My bed is calling,
But my dreams just inspire
To keep creating.

Friends come in and stay.
You serve them wine and bad cheese
And they go away.

I like you, I think.
But I think things that are wrong.
Perhaps there's no love.

Protecting her heart
Was what you wanted to do,
And now mine has stopped.

Lying never works
Nor does telling the truth, though.
What's a girl to do?

When you said "Goodbye,"
John wrote a song about it.
Now I say, "Hello."

Why is she still up?
And screaming at her boyfriend?
Break up all ready!

The house smells funny
Maybe it's the third day that
Food has been left out.

Why do girls hate girls,
When the boy does something wrong?
I won't ever know.

I hope I have kids
To shape, love, mold, and care for
Who am I kidding?

Some dreams work better
When you pretend they'll happen.
I do that with you.

If I was Iraq,
Would resources motivate
Your swift invasion?

Click here to read my haikus inspired by Facebook status updates.

News Feed Poetry

I got sick of tapping into my deep psyche (I'm convinced now that the more "on a roll" you get with Haikus, the more you dig up stuff that should be left undisturbed.) So instead, I thought it would be fun to use people's Facebook statuses as inspiration for haikus. Some statuses hardly needed editing. Some required imagination and interpretation on my part. Either way, they're interesting to read, I think.


Experience joy
Thinking I had no chocolate
Then spotting the light.
--B. Daire


What’s up with all these?
Cute babies drive me crazy!
I’ll never have kids.
--W. Lee Chen

Oh Sick! A brownie!
Wait, it’s just a bag of dirt.
This can’t fill my needs.
--M. Grow

I thought I knew best
Not to take that blasted nap
Why did I give in?
--M. Heaton

So glad for weekends
Recentering, relaxing
It has been perfect
--H. Haslem

To ski or snowboard?
The final decision waits
Until next season
--S. Wilson

Had a crappy day.
It ended better than hoped;
Thank you family.
--A. Byam Gardner

In my family,
Hearing: "Well that didn’t suck,"
Is a compliment.
--W. White

I know that He Lives.
The Redeemer gives comfort.
So does this sentence.
--D. Sparish

Don’t click on the link
That asks if you’ve seen a pic.
It’s bad; I got hacked.
--L. Weatherholtz

It’s time to go home.
Enough Substantial Writing
Fail for one weekend.
--J. Alisa

At one point today
31 people were here.
Big families rock!
--C. Taylor

And it came to pass
Tomorrow the PTA
Would rule the people.
--M. Fitzner

Shout out to law peeps:
Anyone have good cases
On Sharia Law?
--J. Alisa

Great Sunday today!
I love being LDS.
And I love the church.
--A. Paz

Behind in classes,
Stressed out of my mind. And yet,
We bought our first home!
--C. Hutchings

27 weeks
With Braxton Hicks contractions
Should I be worried?
-S. Rauch

Thinking of summer
Prague, Croatia, and Nauvoo
Paninis with friends
--J. Tibbitts

Most beautiful day
Every day should be perfect
Grilled steaks and nice walks.
--S. Lindberg

Delicious cookies
Given one hour ago
Already they’re gone.
--K. Post

Husband eats breakfast
Sardines with lemon juice, So
Is cookie dough wrong?
--M. Carmen Chinison

Dreaming of bathrooms;
Also, my car got stolen.
Wonder what this means.
--S. Zollinger

Those who danced were thought
To be insane by those who
Could not hear music.
--P. Deming

Cold and pouring rain
My car window won't roll up
Five hours to drive.
--H. Hassell

A guy in our ward
Looks like Paul Bunyan and sings
Soprano in choir.
--T. Merrill

My mind will explode
With all this Drag that's tonight
Bring extra tissues
--A. Wainner

BYU Singles
Can be compared to lepers
But that is unfair.
--Z. Pendleton

I'm back in Utah.
Not looking forward to snow.
Texas is 80.
--T. White