Tulips Are My Favorite Flower

...and Zach is my favorite man.

(Behold Zach. I tell him he looks like a muppet. This picture proves that I'm right.)

Zach and I have been friends for almost two years now. It was a cordial friendship while I cycled through dating several different men. Those guys were great, and I never planned on dating Zach ever. Then something happened to Zach where he got his heart broken in a really big way in December. We were studying for finals together when things were falling apart, so I tried my best to make every experience positive for him--as positive as studying about marijuana distributors and cocaine addicts could be (It was criminal procedure, guys. Not my choice).

When we came back from the break in January, I continued to spend time with Zach, hoping to help him recover and hoping to help him not lose faith in dating or women or both. In the process of serving him, listening to him, and understanding what he was going through, I started to develop strong emotional connections with him.

Zach became an even better friend. We started dating. Although it was slow and casual, my care and concern for him and his well-being deepened. I got to know not just the "crisis-mode Zach" but the fun Zach, the silly Zach, the rapper Zach, the wicked smart Zach, the thoughtful Zach, well you get it--the many sides of Zach.

(We went on our very first road trip to Vegas. Think Hangover combined with That Thing You Do. That was our trip.)

(And we went to the Beatles LOVE show.)


It was wonderful to learn about him, to serve him, and to become so close to him, but at the same time I was constantly getting bogged down by external forces that made me doubt and question daily whether we should be together.


(An acrostic I wrote on my doorstep before one of our dates.)

Then something serious happened. Because these experiences are so special to me, I will leave most of them off this blog, but I just want to touch on some of them. My mission president said some things at the mission reunion in early April that really struck me. He also said some pretty profound, even prophetic things. That experience, coupled with a few more during General Conference weekend, led me to the largest, cheesiest display of affection I have ever undertaken.

I wrote down 100 things that I love about Zach, coupled them with a note, placed them inside a case with a bass guitar (he plays bass), and left it on his parent's doorstep where he was staying that weekend.


A few more things happened, and I realized how much I loved Zach and how patient I was willing to be for him to do the things he needed to do to figure out his life--to get back to normal and to be happy again. I decided not to care about any external factors and just to focus on loving Zach and showing him the respect and patience he deserved.

(This was a pivotal night--a day that will live in infamy.)

Over time, though, I realized that resolve was harder to keep than it was to say. And another wonderful guy came into my life who was ready to date me, to commit to me, to serve me, and to love me, without the constant relationship-nurturing that it seemed our relationship required.

I was happy in my new relationship, but I never felt the deep, abiding connection that I did with Zach. From the moment I broke up with Zach, Zach had begun an elaborate scheme to try to "win me back." Yeah right, I thought. He had his chance. I was convinced that this was "crisis mode" behavior--that he was acting on impulse and that he was not really like this.

I didn't speak to him for a week. His friends, his family members, and our mutual friends sent sincere and heartfelt text messages and gchats my way about how hurt he was and how I needed to at least talk to him. And I felt bad for Zach. So I did just that.

I talked to him. And we spent time together. Then we talked some more. Days passed. After I realized he hadn't gone crazy but that he had just realized a little slower than me how strong his feelings were, we continued to date.

And I have never been happier. I was always happy with Zach before, and I loved him just the way he was, but now when I see the Zach who actually reciprocates feelings, I am blown away. He is the world's biggest sweetheart. And the funny thing is, I didn't even need or expect a sweetheart. I just wanted a really close friend.

Luckily Zach is that and so much more.

(He took me to Thanksgiving Point's Tulip Festival after finding out that tulips were my favorite flower.)

(Sorry for the sap. I just thought I talk a lot about the drama of dating that it's time for me to be a little vulnerable and actually share a sweet story.)